10 of the best Jeremy Clarkson's insults

That you can reuse at your disposal to insult your friends new car.

1. If I had to nitpick, and obviously I do...
2. It's capable of going fast in the same way that Queen Victoria was capable of running. It just doesn't seem to like it very much.
3. If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning, and you think you are an onion, this is your car.
4. Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer...
5. Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.
6. The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw..
7. I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.
8. Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.
9. “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”
10. I don’t understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

Funny sayings about a person's looks or appearances

He looks like a female llama who has been surprised in the bath. 

Insults about a person cowardice

A sheep in sheep’s clothing.

How to insult stupid people

If most people said what was on their minds, they'd be speechless.

Every day you will meet a moron; if you haven't met one today, tomorrow you'll meet two.

How to Insult a person part I

I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.

About Being Right

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

Funny food critics part 1

Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!"
— Roald Dahl

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields

I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk purple."
— Bill Watterson