Monday, February 13, 2012

10 of the best Jeremy Clarkson's insults

That you can reuse at your disposal to insult your friends new car.
  1. If I had to nitpick, and obviously I do...
  2. It's capable of going fast in the same way that Queen Victoria was capable of running. It just doesn't seem to like it very much.
  3. If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning, and you think you are an onion, this is your car.
  4. Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer...
  5. Now what you get under the bonnet of this car is not an engine. You get a little field mouse named Gerald.
  6. The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw..
  7. I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.
  8. Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you’ve got the ebola virus and you’re about to sneeze.
  9. “As something to live with every day, I’d rather have bird flu.”
  10. I don’t understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?